Assignment 4 Critique =)

At Julian's suggestion, I printed both the Illustrator version and the photo version of my design. Most of my tutorial mates, like me, prefer the photo version. For the Illustrator version, the hair is the focus (someone said it looks like a shampoo ad). I guess I didn't really realise that, I just felt that the wrist is not the focus as it should be, but I thought the girl is the focus. Anyway, since I have done the photo version, I don't have to worry about that :)

Most of the comments for the photo design were positive (which explains the smile in this post's title ;)). A lot of people thought the dog was a teddy bear, which poses a problem for my portfolio if I want to do a dog theme, but I guess for the poster, that's not a big issue. Someone also commented that the dog is too small, but many others found it to be ok, so I'm not going to change it.

For the design, the only thing I'm going to try changing is to align the hand with the copy, as Julian have suggested. I'll have to learn to have an eye for details as minor as this :)

The biggest problem with my poster is the target audience. The image of a person cutting his/her wrist may motivate self-mutilating people to follow suit instead, which is exactly what the poster should not achieve. I think this is a really good point! I haven't even realised that. My tutorial mate suggested that I should change the target audience to people who will be scared by the poster, i.e. normal people who don't have depression. She also suggested that I can target child depression/suicide instead, so as to justify the toy. I'm going work on this suggestion, when I've done some research and thought of a good slogan. That will be in the next post. :)

Assignment 4

I had a lot of problems with this assignment. My first mistake was that I didn't read the brief carefully: I thought the criteria was just to use fear appeal. I thought I could continue with my dog theme and do an SPCA poster. However, I realised soon enough that the poster should be about health campaigns. I then thought of depression, since dogs are helpful for depression. (They make people happy? At least it works for me.) This way, I can still continue with my dog theme.

I then started sketching my ideas. I had difficulty adding a dog, so I decided to shelve the idea for the time being and focus on the fear appeal. The first fear appeal that came to mind for depression was suicide, and I think a person cutting his/her wrist is suitable, since it can be scary without too much details. (I can't really draw and I don't have time...) However, I was unsuccessful. The designs don't seem scary, just emo.This is especially so when I ran out of ideas during my conceptualizing process, and I tried to listen to emo songs for inspiration. I have also tried to come up with a tag line with imagery and develop the visuals from there. But they don't seem to work. Here are some of them:

I realised I don't really have time to keep thinking about the initial concept, so I picked the first design and see if I could edit from there and come up with something better. The reason I chose it over the others was because I preferred the tag line: "Don't lose sight of happiness. You may lose your life." I felt that even if the design failed, I can develop something from there. This is my Illustrator version of the first sketch:

I think this is hardly scary. From this, I saw that my second major mistake was adding too much details in the design. The focus should be on the wrist and nothing else. Although tears represent depression, they are distracting the viewer from the fear appeal. My third mistake was using Illustrator. Cartoons are hardly scary, especially when I'm not good at drawing.

Thus I decided to use photographs, and close-up on the wrist. Here's my final design:

And the text:

“Don’t lose sight of happiness. You don’t want to lose your life.”

Life without happiness is not worth living. What do you make of this statement? Are you motivated to find happiness and make your life worth living? Or do you feel miserable and find this a good reason to die? People who agree with the latter may be suffering from depression.

Most people overcome grief. Even when they are weighed down by problems in life, there is always someone who can make them smile: their loved ones who care about them, a baby who looks at them inquisitively… even a dog with a silly grin. No one deserves less. Seek help if you must, by talking to your loved ones, or to a psychiatrist. We all have an inner child who is amused at everything. Don’t lose sight of him or her. Fight depression.

For more information, Call HealthLine 1800 223 1313 (Personal Advice) or visit http://www.hpb.gov.sg/. 

This is a digital collage. The blood is actually red-color food dye. I used the camera's timer function to take the photograph of my hand.. And I managed to put a dog inside! My idea is that the dog (a soft toy) represents the childhood/happiness/innocence that is lost when a person suffers from depression. I thought of replacing the blood with tears, to convey the idea of happiness drowning, but I guess that's not scary. 

The penknife is held at an angle, because it conveys the sense of motion. The dripping blood uses the concept of rhythm, and leads the viewer to the dog and the tag line. The wrist, since it is the focus, is much bigger than the dog. White background is contrasted with red blood, so it captures attention. (I thought of using a black background, but bright-red blood is not as sinister as a darker red?) All text is black on white as it is easier to read. The only exception is the main anti-suicide message. It is white text on the pool of blood, and larger than the other texts, to provide contrast which draws attention.

And finally I'm done. Hope people grimace at the poster :)

Assignment 3 (Improved)

For this assignment, I have changed according to the feedback. I changed the order of the photos to a more conventional one. Also, I added a "house" for each of the dogs. As a result, I had to retake the photos.

Initially, I wanted to retake only the photos with the dog houses. However, I didn't manage to do the assignment in the day, so I had to take the photos at night, which produces quite different photos due to different lighting. So I took all the photos again, and also corrected the colors in photoshop (as was taught in the lecture). The photos on page one are darker with a slight reddish tinge, since the setting is from evening to night. I think this new set of photos give a more ominous feel, which sort of suits the story, since it is somehow violent? Here they are:

For Frame 1, I have drawn an arrow pointing from Greeny to Orange's bone, as well as a heart shape, to indicate that he likes the bone. I then used a "two-headed" arrow to show the idea of exchange. The arrows are drawn with dotted lines as solid lines give a more definite feel, but I think the idea of exchanging bones is a rather abstract concept.

Hope this is clearer!

Assignment 2 (Improved Again)

As required, I did a black and white version of the namecard:

Next, as suggested by Julian, I experimented with the layout by changing the position of the dog. I decided to do the black and white versions first and then add color to the final one.

Dog at the bottom

Dog on the left

Dog on top

I have tried different variations of the positions, but I feel that the compositions of these are better. Out of these four designs, however, I think I still prefer the original one? The layout with the dog at the bottom is interesting, but the abstraction looks too small to me. The dog on the left is more conventional and the dog on top still looks odd. (I've tried positioning it on different sides of the letter "O", as well as on top of other letters, and these don't look good either.)

Different views are welcome, though :) 

In-Class Exercise (Visual Representation)

We were supposed to select a word and express it using lines and/or dots. For this pair work, my group mate chose the word "exciting." He drew a jagged line with two contrasting colors, while I drew this:

At first,  I drew in pencil, but my group mate suggested using bright colors to convey the meaning of "exciting." We showed this to Julian, as my group mate felt that my design was more appropriate. The feedback was to improve on the design by adding a contrasting element, e.g. color. So this is the improvement:

I chose a gray circle as it is both contrasting in color and shape (smooth as compared to jagged lines). I've also used a thicker marker for the red "star," to emphasize the concept of "exciting." Hope this is better.

P.S. I guess the objective of this exercise is to learn that "less is more," in that less details convey more meanings. However, I have also learned that less design needs more effort to conceptualize and communicate effectively.

Assignment 3 Critique

The feedback was that most people were able to understand the story until the seventh frame, but the idea of exchanging the bones is unclear. This makes the twist unclear too. Hence, I'll have to work on it. Suggestions were to add an arrow pointing from Greeny to Orange's bone in the first frame, and adding a question mark to Orange to show his surprise. This will justify Orange's rejection in Frame 2. For the last frame (twist), I can do a prop for Orange's house, so that it will be clearer that Greeny left his bone for Orange.

Also, the sequence of the story is unclear. I guess Frames 4 and 5 are too spaced out. I'll have to indicate the order with arrows, or change it to page one's sequence for both pages.

Yup I will work on it!

By the way I just realised today that we have to do a black and white version for the namecard (Assignment 2). It'll be uploaded soon :)

Assignment 3

This is my longest post so far. More than 1200 words! I hope it's not too long-winded...

Storyboard

I was conceptualizing the story when I realized I have dog figurines (magnets), as well as a bone-shaped bag accessory at home. So I thought I’ll continue with my dog theme, and probably extend it to my whole portfolio. (I have started thinking about the rest of the assignments too, and I think the dog theme can fit.)

Since I have a pair of them, I initially thought of a love story. I did a rough sketch and showed it to my parents, but they thought the story was too abstract. To be sure, I showed them the “Revenge of the Strawberries” and they understood that, so I guess it’s my problem. Hence I aborted the idea (love’s complicated ;)) and changed it to the present one.

Again, I did a rough sketch and showed my parents, who understood the story this time. I tried out a few places for the setting and decided to use the top of a display cabinet in my room, since the background (my room wall) is empty and thus does not distract the viewers from the story. However, I need to indicate the passage of time. I then realized that for the background, I can use developed photos taken at different times of the day. (Those were taken by me on a holiday trip to New Zealand.) Another problem I had was that I only have one bone-shaped accessory. At first, I used a heart-shaped accessory, but I think it confuses the story. (Exchanging “hearts” is indicative of a more complex relationship, while bones are more neutral.) In the end I used blu-tack and shaped it into a bone.

The title of my story is “Too Late,” and here’s the explanation:

Frame 1: One evening, two dogs who were neighbors met on the way home. One is called Greeny, and the other, Orange. They both have their favorite bones with them, but Greeny thought Orange’s was nicer and he wanted to exchange with him.

Frame 2: However, Orange rejected Greeny’s offer and went home. Greeny is disappointed. How can he have Orange’s bone?

Frame 3: Suddenly, Greeny had an idea. He can have the bone while Orange is asleep! And so he waited…

Frame 4: When it was late, Greeny went to Orange’s house and took the bone. He managed to do it without waking Orange!

Frame 5: The next morning, Greeny celebrated his new possession.

Frame 6: Orange soon realized what have happened and went to Greeny’s house to demand his bone. He is furious at Greeny, for he thinks Greeny stole his bone. Greeny is ashamed and does not defend himself.

Frame 7: Orange got more and more furious, and he killed Greeny! Orange then took his bone and went home, thinking that Greeny deserved it.

Frame 8: However, when Orange reached home, he saw Greeny’s bone at the corner of his room. Greeny did not steal his bone; he merely exchanged it with Orange’s! Although he may have done it without permission, Orange should not have killed him. Orange is shocked and regrets his actions, but it is already too late…

(I used a child-like tone for narrating the story since the content is like a children’s story.)

There is conflict and “violence” at the climax in Frames 6 and 7, which makes the story more interesting. I also used foreshadowing, as the bone is shown in the background of Frame 7. The twist at the end refers to the bone at Orange’s house.

Camera Angles

After finalizing the sketch, I tried a variety of camera angles for each scene. Generally, I followed the rule of thirds, horizontally, vertically, or both. Here are the main differences I’ve tried out.

Frame 1

Side view, mid shot

Long shot, emphasis on background (Rule of thirds)

Long shot, emphasis on foreground (Rule of thirds)

Top view

I chose the first photo as I felt that it gives the best focus on the setting as well as the characters. The long shots have too much white space and the top view seems unsuitable for an introduction as it gives the feeling that the viewer is looking down at the dogs.

Frame 2

Tilted angle

Mid shot

Long shot

I chose the last photo as it is zoomed out; leaving lots of white space that conveys the feeling of emptiness. This portrays the loss that Greeny felt when he was rejected.

Frame 3

Side view, close-up

Top view, close-up

Mid shot

I chose the last photo as it best captures the happy expression of the dog. Thus I will not need to do further edits, which may look unnatural on the photo. 

Frame 4

Top view, close-up, focus on Greeny

Top view, close-up, focus on Orange

Portrait

Landscape

I composed all the shots so that they look similar to an S-curve. I chose the last photo as it gives equal focus to both characters. This way, Greeny will look less furtive and guilty, which is a type of foreshadowing too? The portrait photo was not chosen as I felt that the white space and the corner of the table are distracting.

Frame 5

Portrait (Rule of thirds)

Landscape (Rule of thirds)

Landscape (Center)

I chose the last photo to break the monotony of the rule of thirds.

Frame 6

Side view, mid shot

Side view, mid shot, tilted angle, facing Orange

Side view, mid shot, straight angle, facing Greeny

Top view, mid shot, tilted angle, facing Greeny

I chose the last photo as the top view makes Greeny look small, and thus portrays that he is at fault. The tilted angle also shows Greeny’s uneasiness at being discovered for stealing.

Frame 7

Long shot, portrait

Mid shot, portrait

Close-up, landscape

I chose the last photo as the close-up gave the most impact. The long shot looks like a crime scene, but that is not the feel I want to portray.

Frame 8

Portrait

Landscape

Tilted angle

I chose the first photo as I felt that its composition is better than the landscape’s. The tilted angle shows uneasiness, but I think shock is the main emotion I want to convey, and so I did not choose the last photo.

Photo Arrangement

After finalizing the photos, I added some drawings in Illustrator to help tell the story better. Then, I started on the layout.

Initially, I arranged all eight photos on A3.

After checking the assignment brief, however, I realized we have to print the photos in standard photo size, which is too big for all eight photos to be contained in an A3. I couldn’t find a layout that fits while following the story’s sequence.

Thus I used two A3s to present the story.

(The two A3s are supposed to be side by side.)

I could have varied the photo sizes more to make the layout more interesting, but I did not want to separate the frames on many pieces of A3, as I feel that this breaks the flow of the story.

As for the sequence, I thought of using page one’s sequence for both pages, as that is the way most people read. However, Frame 5, the first frame on page two, is landscape in orientation, just like Frame 4. On the other hand, Frame 8 is portrait. Hence I feel that by placing Frame 4 and 5 (both landscape) side by side, there is better flow as the viewer reads the story. I then arranged the rest of the story (Frames 6-8) up page two. To minimize confusion, I tried to place Frames 4 and 5 closer to each other than Frames 2 and 8. On the other hand, I had to leave some space for the margin, so Frames 4 and 5 are not as close as I would like them to be.

Assignment 2 (Improved)

Abstraction Process

As suggested, I did not invert the colors but abstracted further. I also kept the nose and made the ear longer and sharper (fifth abstraction). The fifth abstraction was chosen for the name card as I felt that the last one was too abstract. The muzzle reminds people of a dog, but it can also be any member of the canine family. I also have no idea on how to incorporate the last abstraction with the text on the name card.

On the other hand, the fifth abstraction is rather obvious: people can easily tell that it is a dog. (Like one of Julian’s feedback for Assignment 1, I think the abstraction looks a bit like Scooby Doo too.) Thus, I hope to make it more interesting with the name card’s design.

Name Card

Initially, I extended the line of the dog ear (left end) to form “DOGZ!” However, it was less legible as the line was continuous. Consequently, I cut the line to separate the letters.

I had the most problem with the layout, especially with the position of the dog. I tried to put it at the top right hand corner, but the white space at the bottom looked funny. On the other hand, I didn’t want to fill up the whole name card with design. Finally, I decided to place it near the bottom, with text to the left. After adding contact details, I have also extended the line of the dog’s neck, as this gives a sense of closure around the contact details.

I have added minimal color to the dog as I felt that the design looks more mature this way. Moreover, as I have written in the company abstract, my products and services are rather expensive (“affordable” is subjective ;) ). A mature design is more suitable for the target market, which probably consists of adults who can afford the products and services.

I chose a simple blue and white background as these colors go well with the dog’s colors. Blue also gives the impression of being cool and collected, and it conveys professionalism (I think I read this somewhere). I slanted the angle of the gradient as the dog has to be white. (A blue dog looks freaky…)

My dad said the “Z” in “DOGZ!” looks like “2,” and suggested that I color it, which is what I have done.

And yes, the abstract for a pet shop is much easier to write than that of a guard dog company :)) Here it is!


Company Abstract
My company is “DOGZ!” It is a pet shop that specializes in canine products and services.

Dog owners will find everything they need here:

Different kinds of dog food and treats sold at affordable prices. Apart from established brands, we also sell organic dog food for health-conscious owners and dogs.

For hygiene needs, we sell a variety of shampoos for dogs. These are catered to dogs with all kinds of coats. Medicated shampoos for flea and tick problems are also available. Other products include powder and toothpaste for dogs. All products are clinically tested.

Dog harness and leashes of all sizes and designs are available. We also sell dog T-shirts, dresses, footwear and other accessories, so owners can dress up their dogs for special occasions.

Dog owners can pamper their dogs with the wide variety of toys available.

We also offer grooming services. If owners feel that their dogs deserve extra, spa for dogs is available by appointment. Our professional groomers are experienced and will handle every dog with care.

We sell adorable puppies for owners-to-be. All puppies are certified pedigree breeds. Our friendly sales assistants will always be ready to help future owners with any queries they may have.

For more information, please visit our website at dogz.com.sg or email us at dogz@gmail.com.